Commitment and Sacrifice

Scripture Reflection for the Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time (October 4, 2015)

Scripture Readings:
Genesis 2:18-24
Psalm 128
Hebrews 2:9-11
Mark 10:2-16

“It is not good for the man to be alone.”

One look at my husband in a grocery store will tell you this is true. Several hours of indecision and wandering, a few phone calls, and an inevitable few wrong items later, he will certainly agree. Or on a night alone when his dinner dissolves into wheat thins and a Guinness, because that’s all he could “find” in the fully stocked pantry, it is obvious that man was not meant to be left alone!

All kidding aside, it is an important message to remember in an individualized society. We spend our time growing up answering questions about me, me, me. What will I do? Where will I live? What are my dreams? What will I make?

The reality is that none of those questions really matter until we attach them to a larger community narrative. We can busy ourselves alone, but we cannot encounter Christ alone. Rather than “what,” the why, how, and for whom allow us to focus outwardly towards others, as God intended us to live. While community and togetherness can certainly be accomplished outside of marriage, this week’s readings focus on this particularly adventurous vocation.

It is fitting that I was asked to give this week’s reflection, as I am celebrating my third wedding anniversary. That makes me a veteran expert at this whole marriage business, right? While that is far from the truth, I have observed a few truths along the way, and am deeply thankful for the growth my husband and I have found inside the sacrament.

In response to the Pharisees, Jesus states: “Because of the hardness of your hearts [Moses] wrote you this commandment [to allow divorce].”

How do our hearts become hardened towards and in marriage?

Our hearts are hardened to marriage because we have a false image. We think it’s the “default” vocation, and treat its discernment with far less respect. We say, “I want to be a priest, but then I’m giving up married life.” You are not giving up married life for a vocation. You are single, but not meant to be alone, and thus looking to live out the service of Christ through marriage, priesthood, or another community. Each lifestyle requires its own version of sacrifice in exchange for its own beauty and joy. The extent to which you empty yourself is the extent to which you will receive that fruit.

If your heart is hardened, you cannot empty yourself of your own insecurities and agendas. And if you cannot empty yourself, you cannot live out a Christ-centered marriage. We think marriage is about love that is magical, and it either stays or fades. We focus on the passion instead of the commitment. Your ability to wake up and say “I am choosing to love this person today as God loves me” matters far more than your ability to say “I’m madly in love with this person.” I just crushed several of your romantic spirits, but hear me out. You must love God more than your spouse, or else you are idolizing him or her. That love of God must cause you and your spouse to share your love outwardly in service of the community. Otherwise, if you are only gazing inwardly toward one another, and the creation of two becoming one is now just one lonely entity again, unable to connect and encounter the Lord.

We fail to keep God in our marriages, and then are shocked to discover staggering divorce rates. We are so quick to accept that people divorce and so slow at supporting one another at growing into sacramental marriages. Moses allowed divorce, but Jesus called us to a greater challenge of lifelong commitment and service, modeling sacrifice for us.

If we do not challenge one another to grow for the sake of the Gospel, then what is the point of committing for life? We’re just leading lives side by side. Pope Francis challenges us: Be bold! "In families, children bring headaches. I won’t speak about mother in laws. But in families, there is always a Cross. Always. Because of the love of God, the Son of God opened up that way. But also in families, after the Cross there is Resurrection.” (Pope Francis’ address at the World Meeting of Families in Philadelphia, 2015)

If we bravely open our hearts towards the Lord and one another, we will surely be blessed all the days of our lives, experiencing resurrection and becoming a new creation in God.

Image: Family together hand in hand by soledad martinez. www.publicdomainpictures.net