"The Seven Levels of Intimacy" by Matthew Kelly

Are you struggling to maintain healthy relationships with the pressure of secular society?

This book offers practical advice on how to gain the “strong and deeply powerful relationships we crave” with spouse, parents, sibling and friends.

I found Matthew Kelly’s book, The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the joy of Being Loved to be a compelling read. Intimacy in this case, is explored as not merely the physical but the emotional and spiritual connection that can be shared between individuals. This book explores primary relationships including romantic, familial and friendships.

The premise is that all relationships fall into one of seven levels of intimacy (in my own understanding, this intimacy can be thought of as how open you are about your real self in front of someone else). Some relationships remain at the lower levels, being functional relationships like your hairdresser, co-workers, casual friends etc. With other, more crucial relationships, we should be striving towards a greater level of intimacy. A relationship grows in intimacy when we share more and more of our authentic selves… our facts, opinions, hopes and dreams, feelings, faults, fears, failures and legitimate needs. Kelly suggests that our fear of disappointment, rejection, and embarrassment, keep us from being our true selves, which in turn keeps us from ever really being intimately connected with others.

Our society promotes images…we are pushed to hide our raw emotions, cover up our natural beauty and ignore our dependability. We are afraid to let people really know us. We hide our innermost thoughts, fears, flaws and dreams from even our closest companions. We go to great lengths to appear fearless, invulnerable. Kelly urges that intimacy is gained when you get to know someone well enough to understand, that like you, they are vulnerable and flawed. This “weakness” transforms into common ground.

This book is presented in a manner to consider human relationships. Personally I found it also insightful when considering my relationship with myself…Am I honest and open with myself? Are there things about myself that I try to ignore or deny? Similar perspective was gained with consideration to my relationship with God. Do I express my hopes and dreams and fears and faults to him in prayer? Do I present honesty and authenticity in confession?

Matthew Kelly presents theologically sound teaching in a refreshingly down to earth way. I find this and his other books to be easy to read, understand and apply to my life. With the disheartening statistics on divorce and society’s’ tarnished image of marriage, The Seven Level’s of Intimacy offers some practical advice on how to successful navigate the struggles of human interaction, summed up in what we already know to be true, hard work, honest communication and a purpose centered on Christ.

For more information or to buy this book check out: www.matthewkelly.org

by Molly McBride

(Molly is a 2009 CoC alumna and a graduate of John Carroll University in Cleveland OH. She is currently teaching at Nazareth Hall Elementary School in Rochester NY.)