The Seed of Doubt

Scripture Reflection for the First Sunday of Lent (March 13, 2011)

Scripture Readings:
Genesis 2:7-9; 3:1-7
Psalm 51
Romans 5:12-19
Matthew 4:1-11

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On this first Sunday of Lent, the Scripture Readings take us back to the story of the “original sin,” when Adam and Eve listened to the voice of the serpent instead of trusting in the laws of the Lord and, consequently, found themselves expelled from the garden in Eden. In the Gospel story Jesus too has his encounter with a “serpent:” The devil himself is trying to convince Jesus to choose certainty over trust, power over obedience, and pride over humility.

Even though the world we live in is full of temptations, “serpents” and other evil spirits, I usually feel pretty safe and certain that I would be able to defend my faith in God against the attacks from the outside. But what if the temptation doesn’t come from the outside, but from within? What if I started to ask myself the famous “if” question Jesus had to face at the beginning of his ministry and again on the cross, when he heard those fate-filled words: “If you are the Son of God, come down from the cross.” Jesus experienced from the inside the pain and struggles of his human nature. And part of our human weakness is doubt. Maybe Jesus had to struggle with those questions that are so familiar to us: “Who am I?”; “Am I really God’s beloved child?”; “But then, why has God abandoned me?” (Mt 27:46) With questions like “If you are the Son of God, command that these stones become loaves of bread,” the tempter is trying to plant a seed of doubt in Jesus’ belief-system. Isn’t it tempting in a situation like this to prove your identity – towards others and yourself?

If you have seen the movie “Inception,” you can probably imagine how devastating the doubt about one’s identity and existence can be. In this movie, Dom Cobb, a special agent and corporate espionage thief, secretly extracts valuable commercial information from the unconscious minds of his targets while they are asleep and dreaming. Unable to visit his children, Cobb is offered a chance to regain his old life in exchange for an almost impossible task: "Inception,” the planting of an idea into a target's subconscious. Later in the movie the viewer finds out that Cobb has tried “inception” before, placing the idea into his wife Mal’s dream that her world wasn’t real. Once she had returned to reality, she became convinced that she was still dreaming and needed to die in order to wake up. In a very tragic way he becomes responsible for her suicide.

It is challenging when a doubt is being planted inside of us and the “if” question pops up in our minds. “If God loves me, why do bad things happen in my life?”; “If God is there for me, why didn’t he protect me from making this mistake?”; “Am I really God’s beloved child?”

We want to know who we are as humans, as creatures and in our relationship with God. Is God the loving Father of all or the angry judge of our sins? The Scriptures of this Sunday offer us two different answers: On one side it is true, we are part of the sinful humanity who still wants to be “like gods” (Gen 3:5) and lives for its own desires and pleasures, separated from God and from each other. We have to acknowledge that we are “naked” (Gen 3:7), that we are vulnerable and weak.

But then there is God’s response to our disobedience and weakness: unconditional love! Paul reminds us in the letter to the Romans that “through one transgression, condemnation came upon all,” but also that “through one righteous act, acquittal and life came to all.” - “For if by the transgression of the one, the many died how much more did the grace of God and the gracious gift of the one man Jesus Christ overflow for the many.” (Rom 5:17)

God’s love is not conditioned by any “if” question, not even by our sins and disobedience. God is always faithful to us. God’s love always reaches out to us, as far away from God as we may be. There may be “desert moments” also for us, moments were doubts are planted and our faith is tested, moments where we want to cry out to God, “Why have you abandoned me?” But deep down we know that this is not the reality. The reality is that God loves us and that God is close to us in Jesus Christ, who has suffered the same struggles and weaknesses. In the faith that we truly are God’s beloved children we can be sure of God’s presence in our trials and re-abandon ourselves to our Heavenly Father. We don’t need the proof!