Might Be a Quarter Life Crisis

...in the famous words of John Mayer in his song "Georgia"...he sings, "Might be a quarter-life crisis, or just a stirring in my soul."

Do the words “Quarter-Life Crisis” make sense to you? They might not if your age falls somewhere outside the 20 to 35 year range. Believe it or not, it’s something being discussed via email jokes, written about in song lyrics and confusing many parents and loved ones. It’s more than just a moment or funny feeling. It’s about identity and the shift current young adults may feel in defining their own. The feeling of being lost or without purpose and needing to “find” oneself is fairly common, even among the most educated and motivated young adults.

“I just feel like there is something missing. ...Not sure what will jolt me out of whatever this is.” These are the words from a twentysomething’s online journal. I am 27, and while I can say I’ve been through the thick of my own “quarter-life crisis,” I can also say that I know it isn’t over. I can say this because my friends are going through it too. I come from a stable two parent household and was a good student in highschool. I attended one of the best liberal arts colleges in the country and decided to choose majors that made me happy and kept me interested in studying. I even thought that I had a plan upon leaving college. I was going to take a year “off” and go back home to spend time with my family before pursuing a career in classical vocal performance. Everything changed
in that year. I ended up staying at home for three years, figuring out what mattered more to me than singing. I decided that not only did I like working for the Catholic Church as I had been doing at my home parish, but that I wanted to pursue a Master’s degree in Theology. A very different path than what I had envisioned originally. One serious relationship and break up later, I am now working on finishing that degree and life is still a bit scary and unstable at times. The difference between now and six years ago is that, as trite as this may sound, I now know that I am not the only person whose path has undergone such redefinition.

I have more friends and have met more people in their twenties and thirties who can relate to a quarter-life crisis than those who don’t. And it doesn’t always happen the same way. For some, it means joining a volunteer program of some sort such as those affiliated with religious communities or Teach for America. Part of it has to do with giving back to society and recognizing the need to contribute time and talent. But part of it stems from that unsteady, unstable place of wondering and restlessness with the hopes that this time spent doing something “good” will lead to figuring out what one’s life path should be. For others, it means taking a steady job and then realizing that it isn’t fulfilling and quitting. Or changing career paths and going back to school. “Going back to school”
used to refer to stay at home mothers preparing for when their children leave home or people looking to start a second career. Nowadays, it can and often does refer to young adults who haven’t even started a first career.

You might be asking yourself, aren’t these issues the same ones people have been dealing with since the beginning of time? While the quarter-life crisis seems like a general fear of growing up that everyone experiences at some point or another, there are differences that are specifically affecting young adults now that weren’t as noticeable for older generations. People are getting married later. In fact, it’s seems to be socially expected that any educated person, particularly an educated woman, will take their time before getting married. Perhaps this is because of the strong awareness of the ridiculously high divorce rates in this country. Perhaps it is because there are more opportunities for people, especially women, than getting married immediately after college (or high school). But it is as though there are too many choices and young adults are stunned by them - too shocked to know which way to go.

“The twenties are the best years of your life.” These words are often uttered by those people confronting their own mid-life crisis to a young adult. Young adults, however, are usually confused as to why this limbo-like, lost period of their life, when they typically have no money, no security, no new family, and many times no career, would be envied. While the 50-year-old is yearning for a carefree world without responsibilities, the 25-year-old is wishing for a life of stability and responsibilities that make life seem worthwhile and less transient.

There are no rituals to mark the passage of the young adult into the “real” world that we are apparently joining after college graduation. Without immediate moments of marriage and childbearing and rearing, there is no sense of clear passage. Degree in hand, we’re expected to be fully formed adults, when in truth, we simply have a degree in hand. We’ve been trained in the classroom, but perhaps not for the wide open range of our twenties. More and more young adults are going to college. This means that the socializing that most twentysomethings are used to experiencing comes from their college experiences.

The transition from college, where everything is neatly constructed around an easily contained and accessible community, to a world without a social framework can be very difficult, particularly because many times the framework is something taken for granted. It comes as a surprise to twentysomethings that there suddenly is no group of people to eat dinner with and there aren’t easy ways to meet people to date. It comes as a surprise that the work place may not always be the best place to find people who share common interests. It may do people, those in the midst of a quarterlife crisis and those supporting them, a world of good if we consider how powerful simply naming this period of life for young adults can be. Perhaps, in place of a rite of passage, simply having conversations with others about the scary instability that plagues most young adults would be the most helpful thing to do.

By Cristina Garcia

Cristina Garcia is student at Catholic Theological Union in Chicago pursuing a Master of Arts in Theology. She will begin working with the Passionist Community in Houston at Holy Name Retreat Center this coming September.